Wake-Up Call

SELF magazine had a really interesting article in the March 2009 issue, “Single, pregnant and panicked.” When I read it, it shocked me and made me think. Then Salon.com wrote a blog post about the article, and it made me want to talk about it here.

The general point of the story in SELF is this: Unexpected teen pregnancies are not the bulk of unexpected pregnancies. That said, guess who makes up the bulk. Females in their 20s do. Women like me. Wow.

The beginning of the post on Salon.com starts with this: “About half of American women will have an accidental pregnancy before the age of 45.” I’m sure that not all of those women are single, nor are all of those pregnancies are unwanted. In fact, to be honest, I was unexpected. My parents were planning on waiting another year or so, but clearly I was a little impatient to get my life started.

But why the (for the most part) college-educated woman in her 20s? Some ideas include getting married later in life, but still being sexually active; living with their partners; and even being forced into having unprotected sex. SELF continues to say that birth rates may have increased because more unmarried women are deciding to keep their babies. I think maybe it’s partly a lack of education about the proper use of birth control or just not properly using birth control or this ridiculous notion some of us have that “it will never happen to me.”

But I think this quote says a lot: "It's confusing to talk about it," says Shanti Kulkarni, Ph.D., assistant professor in the department of social work at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. "It's easier to coalesce around this idea that it's not good for teenagers to get pregnant. It's not as clear what pregnancy means for the life of a woman in her 20s." For some women, surprise motherhood ends up being the blessing of a lifetime. Others choose abortion with no regrets. But the high rate of unintended pregnancy remains distressing, Kulkarni says, because "it suggests that women are not as in control of their sexuality and childbearing as we would hope."

Scary, isn’t it though? How do you go about solving it? Or should it be labeled as a problem? You can’t really tell a 20-something-year-old woman that sex is bad. You can tell her unprotected sex is bad, but chances are she knows that. What approach do you take? I’m glad SELF decided to run this story though because at least it brings about awareness.

The part Salon.com picks up is that in all the examples of SELF the women either give the child up for adoption or keep their child, but end up needing support from family. The article lacks two major points of view: the women who had an abortion and the woman who kept her baby and continued to support herself and child. I kind of agree. Thanks SELF for bringing this out into the public, but we need to flesh out the whole story. What happens to those women? What was their decision making process like? Do they come out ok, too?

By sharing all sides of the story, doesn’t that make you a little more educated at least in your choices should you ever become pregnant? And beyond the women, what about the men? I know SELF is a woman’s magazine, but shouldn’t someone inform men that, guess what, this girl in the story could be your girlfriend, and you’re about to have a baby.

I’ve never been in this situation, and I pray I never am. I’ve known a lot of women in this position though. So not to be a Debbie Downer, but remember, a lot of you are 20-something-year-old women, a lot of you are dating 20-something-year-old women, a lot of you have 20-something-year-old daughters, a lot of you have sons who are dating 20-something-year-old women.

Please read both stories. Let it sink in. If you want to chat about it, leave a comment or e-mail me.

PS: If you plan to comment about it, I’d prefer no negativity. I realize everyone’s opinions are different, but being that this is my blog, I ask you to be respectful. Otherwise, I’ll delete the comment. The point of this post is to bring awareness; not to judge.